The Louis Pasteur of Junkiedom ([info]calamityjon) wrote,
@ 2008-07-18 09:34:00
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So, thespusAdam Watson got me these blank Russian Nesting Dolls for my birthday, five glorious little figures just waiting for me to mar them with ham-handed globs of paint. The thing is now that I have to figure out what I'm going to do by way of decorating them.

My original plan was an all-MODOK series of Nesting Dolls, one MODOK inside another, or failing that a bunch of Kirby's more delectably outre Marvel villains - Galactus followed by MODOK followed by Doctor Doom and so on. My girl came up with what I think is, hands-down, the best idea: Rasputins, each of them murdered in a different way (The one on the outside is poisoned, then the next one is shot, then the next one is stabbed, until you get to the drowned one in the middle).

I was also thinking of just doing assorted original monsters all the way in. Frankly, there are a million choices. Or at least four, to wit:
Poll #1225736
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

What shall I do with these blank Russian Nesting Dolls

View Answers

Make the MODOK nesting dolls
15 (15.2%)

Make the Kirby Villains nesting dolls
24 (24.2%)

Make the Rasputin nesting dolls
45 (45.5%)

Make the original monsters nesting dolls
7 (7.1%)

Dive into them and swim around in them like a porpoise
0 (0.0%)

Some other awesome idea I'll share below
8 (8.1%)

What's your other awesome idea for these nesting dolls?

Also, I was writing an article last night where I needed some sort of female equivalent for getting "cock-blocked." I don't think there IS a feminine-specific version of the phrase, but which of the following do you think might serve purpose:

View Answers

Vulva-Fumbled
2 (2.2%)

Vaginavoided
12 (12.9%)

Clit-and-Run
15 (16.1%)

Cervix Error
6 (6.5%)

Twat-Swatted
27 (29.0%)

Clam-Slammed
27 (29.0%)

Puss Intereference
7 (7.5%)

God, I'm so disappointed in you right now, Calamity Jon
15 (16.1%)

the ol' Russian Nesting Doll
13 (14.0%)

Some other awesome answer I'll provide below:
19 (20.4%)

And what's your awesome feminine version of "cock-blocked?"



I swan, sometimes this Journal is nothing but an opportunity to offend six-hundred-and-ten people in a row ...

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[info]bookfrog
2008-07-18 04:40 pm UTC (link)
The opposite of cock-blocked it twat-blocked, obviously.

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[info]calamityjon
2008-07-18 04:42 pm UTC (link)
Well, unless you'd like it to be clever or amusing, yes.

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[info]bookfrog
2008-07-19 04:57 pm UTC (link)
It's as good as the original.

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[info]misterscarecrow
2008-07-20 11:41 pm UTC (link)
Something tells me you have missed the entire point of this exercise.

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[info]oilyrags
2008-07-18 05:08 pm UTC (link)
There do seem to be some American dialects where 'cock' = 'ladybits'

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[info]calamityjon
2008-07-18 05:11 pm UTC (link)
...where?

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[info]oilyrags
2008-07-18 05:15 pm UTC (link)
Certain ghetto communities. I hear it used that way in gangsta rap now and again.

Here's some DJ Quik lyrics

http://ohhla.com/anonymous/dj_quik/under/oneon1.djq.txt

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[info]calamityjon
2008-07-18 05:48 pm UTC (link)
I'm not a hundred percent sure illustrative lyrical structures in rap and hip-hop necessarily count as dialect, per se, as they're communicative as much as they are demonstrative. ANYWAY, that's still actually perfect for what we're discussing, which is euphemism, except that it's funnier to find stuff to rhyme with twat ...

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[info]oilyrags
2008-07-18 05:53 pm UTC (link)
My guess is that it's just colloquial usage leftover from older (Mingus era or before) regional slang that's pretty much on the way out. I guess that would make it an obsolete dialect, if its a dialect at all. Quik is from LA, but I'm pretty sure I've heard it in Southern rap, too, although of course a lotta - maybe nearly all - black Californian families diaspora-ed from the old confederate states. I have basically nothing to go by on this, I just thought you'd find it interesting.

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[info]calamityjon
2008-07-18 06:11 pm UTC (link)
It is! I like this furtive, authority-eluding euphemistic language, and how in America in particular it's utterly dependent on its ability for immediate mutability (unlike the similarly motivated Cockney Rhyming Slang, which is effectively entrenched in its most familiar structures)

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[info]oilyrags
2008-07-18 05:18 pm UTC (link)
I also remember a passage in Mingus' "Beneath The Underdog" about an encounter where the two parties both use it to mean their own nasties, but I don't seem to be able to find that on the net. Anyway, that'd be pretty archaic.

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[info]nvonflue
2008-07-18 05:51 pm UTC (link)
Vulva-Fumbled, Vaginavoided, Clit-and-Run, Cervix Error, Twat-Swatted, Clam-Slammed, Puss Intereference

Man, I count seven. YOU NEED TWO MORE NESTING DOLLS.

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[info]calamityjon
2008-07-18 06:22 pm UTC (link)
HAHAHAHA

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[info]mr_esty
2008-07-18 05:59 pm UTC (link)
You could do Dr. Jeckyl turning into Mr. Hide for the nesting dolls... in any case, i look forward to what you come-up with.

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[info]skonen_blades
2008-07-18 06:30 pm UTC (link)
Man, those blank nesting dolls make me very happy. I've never seen them before. I think your ideas for them are amazing. I'm a fan of the all-MODOK idea. Maybe it could be MODOK doing celebrity impression? Elvis MODOK, Shatner-MODOK, joker-MODOK, Marilyn Monroe-MODOK, and MODOK in his tighty whities. Or something. What do you think?

Fanny-tackled. Bit long and fanny's more British than American but what do you think? I like it. It can be said with pouty venom quite well.

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[info]hooper_x
2008-07-18 06:54 pm UTC (link)
Seriously, dude. Cunt-stunted.

ETA: Cunt-shunted works too.

Edited at 2008-07-18 06:57 pm UTC

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[info]calamityjake
2008-07-18 07:12 pm UTC (link)
Apparently I'm not very creative. BUT THE IDEA REMAINS EXCELLENT.

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[info]orrin
2008-07-18 08:56 pm UTC (link)
I'm curious about that talking board in the background. Does it have a question mark and an exclamation point on it?

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[info]calamityjon
2008-07-30 08:59 pm UTC (link)
I had never really noticed before, but yeah, the Ouija board indeed does have an exclamation mark, for when the spirits really really fuckin' mean it. I thought they'd just kill you if they wanted to get an idea across, but whadda I know?

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[info]amanofhats
2008-07-18 09:05 pm UTC (link)
I read "original monsters" as "Universal monsters" which is what I was voting for. So, scratch my vote for "original monsters" and put it for "Rasputin."

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[info]envertigo
2008-07-18 09:30 pm UTC (link)
Ooh... I have a set of nesting dolls too... They've been sitting for months because I can't make up my mind on what to do with them. I'm leaning towards Hellboy characters : ) ...or maybe the Endless, debating between those two..

I think the Rasputin idea is *brilliant* tho.

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[info]blackbyrd2
2008-07-18 09:58 pm UTC (link)
On the one hand, the self-referential pun-ishment of vagina-voided is (dare I say it?) attractive, while the similarities to fairy tale creatures names in Puss-In-Terference is always a winner.

I'm not suggesting anything for Russian Nesting Dolls. Neal owes me a set decorated with his own mad genius, and I'm bound and determined not to give him any inspiration. ;)

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[info]calamityjon
2008-07-30 08:59 pm UTC (link)
I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT PUSS-IN-TERFERENCE WAS BRILLIANT

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[info]roninspoon
2008-07-18 10:29 pm UTC (link)
Before I even read the first paragraph entirely I was going to suggest Modok and Galactus. Then I read the Rasputin idea, which is 1000% awesome. The only other thing I could suggest is different versions of Iron Man's armor, each newer one revealed by the next inside doll. But that pales in comparison to the Rasputin idea.

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Iron Man idea = very awesome
[info]bobcat2022
2008-07-19 11:59 pm UTC (link)
The Iron Man idea is better than the MODOK idea, which is better than the Kirby-villains idea (not much visual resemblence, is the problem; you have to know Kirby to even know they're a set). But none are as good as the Rasputin idea...

I was going to object to the Rasputin idea on the grounds that someone must have done it before, probably in oh say Russia. But as of this writing, this post is the top Google result for "Rasputin nesting dolls", so I say copyright that muthaf***er while the copyrightin's good. And then use the proceeds from your new empire as a Russian tchotchke czar to buy some more blank nesting dolls and make the Iron Man idea.

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[info]indy1725
2008-07-18 11:49 pm UTC (link)
I might also suggest 'Lock-Boxed'...

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wackbards
[info]bobcat2022
2008-07-20 12:00 am UTC (link)
Wouldn't it be Box-Locked? Or Box-Blocked? Or Chicks-on-Box-with-Ticks-and-Tocks-Clocked?

I just don't know, Mr. Fox, sir.

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[info]dorkboat
2008-07-19 01:48 am UTC (link)
Someone needs to forwards this poll to a Sex and the City community via LJ or something. We'd find the definitive answer there.

Wade Zarosinski-
We also might find a bunch of crazy people. It's LJ, I don't know.

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[info]perma_boy
2008-07-19 06:13 am UTC (link)
You could use your Superman costume designs for the nesting eggs, though it would make no sense unless you come up with a Kandorian Superman design for the smallest one.

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[info]perma_boy
2008-07-19 06:51 am UTC (link)
Dolls. I meant nesting dolls, not nesting eggs.

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[info]brandiweed
2008-07-19 08:08 pm UTC (link)
Obviously, the solution to the matryoshka dilemma is to buy Jon at least two more sets...

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[info]schtune
2008-07-20 12:56 am UTC (link)
A riddle, an enigma, a mystery, and ... two other things, I guess.

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[info]zantimisfit
2008-07-21 03:55 pm UTC (link)
I just looked at the photo of your unpainted nesting dolls and my brain thought they were chubby fingers.

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