The Louis Pasteur of Junkiedom ([info]calamityjon) wrote,
@ 2008-10-13 07:39:00
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Wolfman got nards!
Round Three of the All-Monster Death Match is dedicated to birthday girl [info]tawdryjones, who was discovered by Christopher Columbus, or at least that's what it says according to Vatican II.

Vampires return to the field this round to find a series of battles much more closely fought than last round; Minotaurs conquered Cenobites by the widest margin, with Ghosts emerging over Fairies as the second biggest upset. The most surprising result may be in the form of GORGONS OVERCOMING ZOMBIES. Zombies are OUT of the running, this throws all my predictions into disarray, but suggests an important tactic in the event of zombie apocalypse. Downside: Gorgon apocalypse.

Round three's matchups end up being thematically consistent, amazingly enough ... Universal monster versus Universal monster*, Greek myth versus Greek myth, general artifact of the folkloric afterlife versus same and, be still my beating heart, an all-homonculus slugfest in the form of Frankenstein creatures versus Golems. I can honestly say I don't know how I'm going to vote in that contest, but that if I ever find a genie lamp, I can already tell you what one of my three wishes is going to be.

Poll #1277766 Round Three! Continue fighting!
This poll is closed.
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

Vampires vs Werewolves (and Wolfmen)

View Answers

Vampires
61 (41.5%)

Werewolves (and Wolfmen)
86 (58.5%)

Ghosts (Wraiths, Spectres, Etc) vs Devils (Demons, Dybbuk, Etc)

View Answers

Ghosts (Wraiths, Spectres, Etc)
65 (44.2%)

Devils (Demons, Dybbuk, Etc)
82 (55.8%)

Minotaurs vs Gorgons

View Answers

Minotaurs
83 (56.8%)

Gorgons
63 (43.2%)

Frankenstein-type Creatures vs Golems (OMG OMG)

View Answers

Frankenstein-type Creatures
60 (41.1%)

Golems
86 (58.9%)




And I'm reposting the rules because apparently if I leave them out for a single post, some'a you get inflammamitis braincaseius and start getting up my short-shorts with cleats on, "What about Mothmaaaaannnnn?"

Monsters were chosen by the following guidelines:
  • No individual specific monsters - i.e. Count Dracula, Frankenstein's Monster - were selected. Monsters are defined solely by TYPE.
  • For the purposes of this poll, only human-like monsters were used, excluding all non-human monsters such as dragons, evil animals and, I don't know, cursed refrigerators or something
  • Which are the two reasons neither King Kong nor Godzilla are on this list. Now you know.
  • All monsters come from this Wikipedia list and also a couple I remembered.
  • It's limited to 30 participants by way of LJ Poll limitations, so none of this "OH YOU FORGOT MOTHMANS" or whatever, I had to make cuts.
  • However, convincing suggestions made in comments will encourage me to add monsters in the bye rounds.
  • Your selection criteria is totally your own, decide between the monsters however you feel is appropriate.


* Or, alternatively, "The fight we've seen in every horror movie and book released since 1996..."


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[info]calamityjon
2008-10-13 02:39 pm UTC (link)
Added to spellcheck courtesy of this post: "Wolfman", "Nards"

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Take that poll!
[info]tawdryjones
2008-10-13 02:59 pm UTC (link)
Hooray! Happy day for me and my picks! I love this ongoing poll (as I love you but not for the same reasons) because the choice of why I pick each one is always different. Sometimes I pick one over the other because one is scarier to me or tougher in my opinion or...for no reason at all.

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Re: Take that poll!
[info]calamityjon
2008-10-13 03:11 pm UTC (link)
I think that is a superb line of reasoning. I generally choose whichever one I think affords the better narrative, except for when I vote for Golems which I do because I'm a wanna-heeb.

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Re: Take that poll!
[info]prof_vencire
2008-10-13 04:55 pm UTC (link)
It'd be great if, just once and without altering the kinds of things used for background detail, a rabbi making a golem was visually portrayed as a mad-scientist. Insane curly white hair puffed out from under the cap, a mad look in his eyes, stone creature on a slab, menorah casting a creepy orange light across the room.

Of course, we need more "not asian, not white" mad scientists in general.

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Re: Take that poll!
[info]superdaintykate
2008-10-13 06:35 pm UTC (link)
Seriously, Frankenstein's monster is the one with the heart rending (ha!) backstory and motivation and yet, hello, can you imagine an all-golem klezmer orchestra?

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Re: Take that poll!
[info]calamityjon
2008-10-13 06:36 pm UTC (link)
...I can now, yes.

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[info]jer_
2008-10-13 03:02 pm UTC (link)
I have to go with White Wolf games as canon on the Wolf v Vamp debate... Vamps for the win.

This round is full of really even matches, though. I mean, fantasy is full of vampire v werewolf stories, gorgons v minotaurs is straight out of greek mythology, frankensteins and golems are almost the same thing. Ghosts and demons is really the only throwaway, and even that is holding even.

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[info]calamityjon
2008-10-13 03:03 pm UTC (link)
Yes, I have heard a similar sentiment somewhat recently.

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[info]jameel
2008-10-13 03:44 pm UTC (link)
In a straight-up fight between a White Wolf vampire and a White Wolf werewolf, the vampire's getting his ass handed to him. Vampires are better at the long game, i.e. buying the forest and building up developments there.

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[info]jer_
2008-10-13 03:46 pm UTC (link)
And in the long run, isn't commerce scarier? :P

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[info]jameel
2008-10-13 03:52 pm UTC (link)
You make an excellent point.

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[info]prof_vencire
2008-10-13 04:52 pm UTC (link)
Well, not scarier than all the Great Progenitor Vampires finally awaking and, you know, eating all their kids and grand-kids and great-grand-kids and using panders as junkfood.

Then again, apparently the werewolves eventually get some guy with goat-horns who destroys the world? But sometimes he destroys the world for good...or something?

I'm actually still with you, so far as if we used WW set-up. Being a werewolf in the WW world feels like it would really suck. Constant in-fighting, annoying adherence to tradition, you can't date anyone you meet at work or you'll produce a horrible twisted insane offspring, and you're the equivalent of a testosterone-junkie eco-warrior jock with a ridiculously strong attachment to semi-arbitrary "honor". Laaaaaame.

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[info]misterscarecrow
2008-10-13 04:28 pm UTC (link)
jer_, do you even realize what you've done here? [-]

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[info]lunchcat
2008-10-13 03:26 pm UTC (link)
Hey you forgot the Mothmans!

Ha, I kid.

I can't believe the vampires are getting beaten this badly. Where's the exsanguinator love??

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[info]calamityjon
2008-10-13 03:40 pm UTC (link)
It's gotta be the over-exposure. I mean, doesn't exposure kill a vampire? That's gotta be it ...

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[info]jasoncm
2008-10-13 04:25 pm UTC (link)
Now I've got this "old lady who swallowed a fly" chain going in my head where you cure the zombie apocalypse with Gorgons, wipe out the gorgons with the minotaurs, and then what? THEN WHAT!

I will have to wait until the next iteration of intermonster slugfest to find out.

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[info]rxgreene
2008-10-13 04:35 pm UTC (link)
Build a maze, duh....

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[info]jasoncm
2008-10-13 04:40 pm UTC (link)
Alright smartypants, but how do you get them INTO the maze?! I'm not going to be the sacrificial bait that leads them there, and I figure at BEST, each sacrificial bait person could bring in two minotaurs apiece, it's not like they're easy to herd.

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[info]prof_vencire
2008-10-13 04:47 pm UTC (link)
... they're COW people. Of COURSE they're easy to herd.

Barring that, the males will all fight to claim all the females. THEN you can herd their ... well, herds into the mazes.

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[info]rxgreene
2008-10-13 06:13 pm UTC (link)
Minotaurs got the OCD for mazes. they gottat go in once they see one. Easy peasy.

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[info]calamityjon
2008-10-13 04:36 pm UTC (link)
I knew an old werewolf who battled a zombie
I don't know why he battled that zombie
I guess he'll die
And come back.

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[info]hipsterdetritus
2008-10-13 04:41 pm UTC (link)
Zombie is a punk
Werewolf is a runt
The both went down to Frisco, joined the SLA
And oh I don't know why
Oh I don't know why
Perhaps they'll die, oh yeah

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[info]misterscarecrow
2008-10-13 04:29 pm UTC (link)
This whole thing is going to be over way too fast. That makes me sad as hell. I wanted these contests to go on forever.

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[info]calamityjon
2008-10-13 04:37 pm UTC (link)
I think I have a pretty good idea for at least two more round robin monster polls.

Like half the monsters on this list, the poll will never die.

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[info]clockworkmonkey
2008-10-13 04:33 pm UTC (link)
The inevitable zombie backlash!

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[info]calamityjon
2008-10-13 04:37 pm UTC (link)
Good Band Name = !Yes

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[info]hipsterdetritus
2008-10-13 04:42 pm UTC (link)
I was severely torn between my love of Jewish folklore and my love of the Edgar Winter Group's biggest hit.

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[info]prof_vencire
2008-10-13 04:46 pm UTC (link)
I keep voting for gorgons because, yeah, they want to kill me... but sometimes they're sexy snake women. Sweet.

In this particular case, I voted for them particularly because every time you get a minotaur it is either a lazy remake of the Island of Doctor Moreau OR a lame "lost in randomly assembled myths" OR a creepy semi-beastiality rape thing. And really, if there has to be pseudo-interspecies mating, I'd rather it be with a sexy snake woman.

And... don't they keep making stories where "OH! ORIGINAL! Frankenstein's monster IS a golem! KIKIKI!" Until they do that story where it's Anne Frank's father who makes the monster and the monster is her reconstituted stitched up post-camp body, I don't think I care. Whereas that movie where the girl grew up with only a doll for a friend (one she couldn't touch) and then sees a faux-cannibal film made by her temporary boyfriend and starts to make the perfect friend out of parts of strangers (and the beautiful hands of her temporary boyfriend), that was pretty good. Though it taught me that blind children have a terrifying pack instinct and will destroy all that is good in your life.

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[info]misterscarecrow
2008-10-13 04:57 pm UTC (link)
it taught me that blind children have a terrifying pack instinct

I will be quoting this one sentence out of context in the future.

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[info]oilyrags
2008-10-13 06:18 pm UTC (link)
"May" it was. I thought that was pretty good, too.

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[info]internought
2008-10-13 05:02 pm UTC (link)
Golems beat Frankenstein-type creatures because Golems have no soul.

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[info]grimmbear
2008-10-13 05:08 pm UTC (link)
Adam (aka Frankenstein's Monster) is a flesh Golem.

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[info]calamityjon
2008-10-13 05:20 pm UTC (link)
Me and my rabbi are going to have to have a talk with you D&D types about what constitutes a golem ...

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[info]tmbgcat
2008-10-13 06:25 pm UTC (link)
Frankenstein's Monster's name isn't Adam, it has no name. He's called Adam metaphorically, what with being the first life created by a man playing God and all. It'd be like if you were a killer romantic with the ladies and I called you Romeo, but your name is not really Romeo, it's grimmbear.

Also, they aren't the same thing at all really, other than being animated it some way. They were created for completely different purposes and by completely different means. A flesh Golem, I guess, would be possible as far as Golem mythos go. I think there has been a goat Golem, but Frankenstein's Monster is not a golem.

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[info]finback
2008-10-14 01:18 am UTC (link)
"I think there has been a goat Golem"

Please tell me/dont't tell me it was a bunch of goats taped together..

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[info]tmbgcat
2008-10-14 01:27 am UTC (link)
I think it was just one goat enchanted with jewish magic.

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[info]kudaspeaks
2008-10-13 05:13 pm UTC (link)
pouring a juice box on the ground for my devil children homies

(who are way scarier than actual devils because of reasons)

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[info]_ming
2008-10-13 05:44 pm UTC (link)
i can't even answer that poll, all the options seem too close!

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[info]sketchjournal
2008-10-13 05:45 pm UTC (link)
Half my votes were because the idea of Gorgons fighting Golems thrills me.

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[info]zifferent
2008-10-13 06:06 pm UTC (link)
Man, I can't believe the vampires are losing.

I mean c'mon:

Tap, tap, tap "Open the window, Mark." tap, tap "Open the window."

Holy crap, that scene haunted me like forever when I was a kid.

I mean with a werewolf, he's like what a crazy, hairy dude? Ewww, that's scary. Why hasn't anyone figured out that you can just kick him in hairy nuts and drop him like a sac of potatoes.

A vampire, ain't got nuts and doesn't care. He wants to suck your blood and kill you and make you all evil undead like him, so that you come late at night to scare your brother and enslave the rest of your family to the never ending night. That's what I'm talking about!

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[info]steverolston
2008-10-13 07:41 pm UTC (link)
I've got a super-soaker filled with garlic-flavoured holy water that says vampires ain't so tough.

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[info]zifferent
2008-10-13 11:31 pm UTC (link)
You actually soiled your Super-Soaker with garlic water on the off chance that vampires will be visiting?

If so, it sounds like vampires are more scary and awesome.

If not. Well that's too much preparation and planning. A monster never shows up when expect him/her to. On the other I always gots the boot, no previous plotting necessary. Point vampires.

Face it, man, walking man dogs are not cool.

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[info]scottbateman
2008-10-13 06:30 pm UTC (link)
I think the championship is Minotaurs' to lose!

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[info]oxboxer
2008-10-13 07:24 pm UTC (link)
I have been voting exclusively in favor of monsters I thought were fun in Discworld. Victory for the werewolf and golem legions!

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[info]zombiepatrick
2008-10-14 12:11 am UTC (link)
I saw this standoff last weekend in the wax museum. It's fate.

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[info]dan0213
2008-10-14 10:58 am UTC (link)
I'm glad to see Werewolves are thumping on them vampires, but I'm kinda shaking my head in disbelief in regards to the Gorgon-Minotaur conflict...

also, where's the Sleestaks, Calamity Jon?

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