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April 2015

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Happy Birthday, Ralph (Elongated Man) Dibny

I've been meaning to scan this thing forever. It's the Super DC 1976 Calendar, which I've had since ... well, 1976. It's honestly been one of my most cherished possessions since childhood, I've had this thing hanging up in just about every room or studio I've ever had.

I've never seen the Super DC 1977 calendar, so I don't know if it carries over the conceit of this one, but as you scan down the images you'll notice that the dates marked are birthdays and important events ... of made-up people. I'm glad I finally have this scanned and uploaded so that I have immediate access worldwide to remember when The Elongated Man's wedding anniversary is.

Super DC 1976 Calendar

The calendar boasted art from Neal Adams and Dick Giordano - for the longest time, at least when I was a little kid, Dick Giordano was one of my favorite artists and, nowadays, I cannot cotton why. I think it's because he drew at least everything once, and because his name was so often accompanying that of Neal Adams, who was truly terrific, although I think it's fair to say that Giordano was Adams' worst inker. On his own, Giordano's art is lackluster, it's utilitarian but not evocative, lacks expression and energy, it commits that unbearable artistic sin of being unremarkable. I still love Giordano - the guy was a helluva editor, and I admire a lot of the work which came out of both DC and Charlton under his direction, but I'm just amazed at my younger self loving the tar out of the guy's artwork. Ubiquity counts for something, I suppose.

Super DC 1976 Calendar

Super DC 1976 Calendar
February, big ups!

Super DC 1976 Calendar
March. March nothin', that guy's running ... HAHA, GET IT?

Super DC 1976 Calendar
April. This is bad-ass.

Super DC 1976 Calendar
May. These guys seem to have it in for you.

Super DC 1976 Calendar
June. Everybody loves a fish parade.

Super DC 1976 Calendar
July. The month of my birth and also the whole Justice League of America. Bad-ass!

Super DC 1976 Calendar

Super DC 1976 Calendar
September. I can't help but think that Supergirl and Lois Lane must be kind of tense around each other.
Both of 'em probably have a ton of dirt to dish on Superman, but who'll break the ice?

Super DC 1976 Calendar
October. For some reason, this is their scary Halloween cover.

Super DC 1976 Calendar
November. "Jesus Batman, that guy you dropped really splattered."

Super DC 1976 Calendar
December. "Hey kids, let ol' Uncle Superman tell you a christmas story ...
about the time a bunch of roided-up musclemen in peter pan costumes fought like crazy
against something just off-page." The true meaning of Christmas.

Inside the calendar (it's too dark to read), you've got the birthdays and important events of the DC Universe as it stood in the mid-70s. This is the most ridiculous thing on Earth. With the exception of one character, I cannot imagine why knowing the guy's precise birthdate is in the slightest way important1, and yet here we are - even though we know nothing really of the Joker's origins, I can tell you when it's appropriate to send a card.

Scattered among the birthdays are the occasional wedding anniversary, a couple of murders, and more than one occasion of getting scarred with acid. That actually caused my some consternation when I was younger, I was so eager to see what heroic birth occurred in concordance with my own birthday - imagine my disappointment when it turned out that July 15th is the anniversary of the murder of Dick Grayson's parents. Imagine carrying that burden within your young heart. I should avenge the poor guy or something.

Super DC 1976 Calendar

Super DC 1976 Calendar

Super DC 1976 Calendar

Super DC 1976 Calendar

Super DC 1976 Calendar

Super DC 1976 Calendar

Super DC 1976 Calendar

Super DC 1976 Calendar

Super DC 1976 Calendar

Super DC 1976 Calendar

Super DC 1976 Calendar

Super DC 1976 Calendar

Super DC 1976 Calendar

The whole idea is ridiculous, and gets moreso the more you think about it - for instance, it's curious that hardly no two individuals in the DC Universe share a birthday. The mothers of the DCU were perspicacious, to say the least. Also note that the assorted birthdays of various members of the Legion of Super-Heroes are represented here, even though they just about all come from alien worlds, which all have different orbits and different calendars. Element Lad wasn't born August 20, he was born on the day of Zorglyth, in the Purple/Depressed month of the year of the Binomial Equation or something.

Still, with that being said, I couldn't help but think of how different this sweet, stupid calendar of imaginary birthdays would look if you could compare it to an imaginary and inevitably grim Super DC 2009 Calendar. "May 29 - Sue Dibny is raped by Dr.Light in the Justice League satellite. June 7 - Hal Jordan is infected with the Parallax parasite and kills all his friends in the Green Lantern Corps. July 12 - Kyle Rayner's girlfriend is found dead in a refrigerator. August 11 - Birthday of Thomas (Pieface) Kalmaku. September 13 - The entire nation of Bialya is murdered in a single night by Black Adam ... " And, unfortunately, so on ...

1 That one character would be Johnny Thunder, seventh son of a seventh son, born on 7/7/1917. Don't look askew at me, I wasn't around in 1940 to convince them to age the guy a decade so that his birthdate would actually fall on all sevens, but at least I do know that his illegitimate son was born on 7/7/1977, so that's something. It occurs to me, though, shouldn't the guy have fathered seven illegitimate sons? I mean ... sorry DC, I'm just suggesting ... that Johnny Thunder should have gotten sick amounts of strange. Good lord. I need new hobbies.


Sweet, my birthday is Snapper Carr's!

Also, I love how Billy Batson always has little-dot eyes. He should that condition corrected.
Aw...mine is one of the nine days in January that has nothing.
Superboy's first meeting with Mxyzptlk.


Really? That's ...

... really?

That's what DC gives me for my birthday? No wonder I always liked Marvel. I liked to pretend that Kitty Pryde was born on my birthday, if you know what I mean.

I mean, it sounds like you want it to be sexy, but I'm actually a little grodied.

I ... I don't?

Re: I mean, it sounds like you want it to be sexy, but I'm actually a little grodied.

Trust me, I was aiming for about 85% grody.

Re: I mean, it sounds like you want it to be sexy, but I'm actually a little grodied.

On the exact day I was born, Plastic Man's head showed up to say "Hi."


Man. Thanks, DC, and to think I didn't get you anything for your birthday...
March 18th is Crimson Groin Day? Also, I am not very familiar with the full extent of the DC canon, but what the hell are the zodiac things? Are those actual recurring DC characters that just happened to have arthropod bodies?

...if not, my god. Scorpion Lass and Crab Person surely deserve their own terrible, terrible comics. Scorpion lass alone.

Crimson Groin Day!

I always knew there was something significant about my birthday...
Of those two really fucked up zodiac avatars, I know at least that the Scorpion lady is Lois Lane using an alien ring to turn into assorted insects and arachnids and such. I don't really know what crab lady is except "unfortunate."
I share a birthday with Element Lad. Yay?

Not my favorite LOSH member but I guess it's better than Ragman or Dollman.
Ah, another Zorglyth baby!
August seems to be a busy month for the Supes camp...

3rd: Supes granted US citizenship by the UN (didn't know they had the authority.)
5th: Superboy discovers Kryptonite.
9th: Ma and Pa die of fever.
11th: Linda adopted by the Danvers.
14th: Supergirl adopts Streaky.
17th: Lois b-day.
27th: Lex looses his hair in a lab accident.
30th: Supes builds the Fortress of Solitude.
Wasn't 7/7/77 the date a lot of rastafarians, inspired by Marcus Garvey, thought the world would end (see: Culture's "Two Sevens Clash")?

Also, I was mildly interested in finding out what happened a year to the day before I was born (answer: Clark Kent met yet another woman who shares initials with the man who wrote "Rock the Bells"), but in the process I was tragically exposed to the sight of Wildcat's motorcycle, which might rival the Pacer for the era's most ridiculous-looking means of transportation.
Man, everyone in that calendar is just pleased as punch to be there. All big smiles and wide cheeks. Except Batman. That dude is such a downer.

Here's what gets me about this list of relevant factual dates. Imagine the editorial meetings where writers tried to wrangle all this shit into canon.
My guess is they either made Bob Rozakis or E.Nelson Bridwell do it.
So much goodness right there. Thanks for scanning.
My pleasure!
This this thing is amazing, i LOVE IT! im also gleeful that my birthday-month has Black Canary, my favorite DC heroine!
but now that you listed the morbid options, i sort of want to make them.... but i dont know enough about the DC universe!!
12 morbid dc months of horribleness

this is precious.

Is Robert E. Lee a DC hero?

Re: this is precious.

I think he was the ghost that lived in the Haunted Tank. Or was that J.E.B. Stuart?

(Martin Luther King is a giant floating stone head.)

Re: this is precious.

The latter, Hoop.

So many questions

Man, seeing this just reinforces what a Marvel kid I was. I barely know any of these people. I mean, in April, why is Scarecrow playing cards? Don't they have a card-themed villain? And who is the guy behind his opponent (The Submersible?) who seems to be dressed for bed? I mean, even moreso than your typical hero or villain.

And did the Joker steal the Riddler's derby? I'd like to see him try that shit with Myxlplyk.

Re: So many questions

They're playin cards because I believe this is an old-timey photo, taken at Trail Dust Town or something. That's also where The Joker got his derby.
Now that you've put this up I want to see the DC calendars for the 1960s, but for some reason my preliminary searches always make the 1976 calendar pop up, with a few 2007 calendars now and then, and with no trace of the 1960s
I only for certain know of calendars for 1976, 1977, 1986 and 1997, and then probably every year thereafter ...
Mine says, "Birthday of real Diana Pierce." Who?

Also, Happy Birthday to me!
Luthor looks WAY too happy there. I think he's drunk.

Also, heh. Prior to the Final Crisis, I'd never heard of Libra. I guess he really *did* exist in aeons past..
"The whole idea is ridiculous, and gets moreso the more you think about it - for instance, it's curious that hardly no two individuals in the DC Universe share a birthday."

IIRC, the odds are that two in every twenty-three people will share a birthday.
Man, that's awesome, but how does that work? Like I imagine everyone else does, I was imagining it must be a 1 in 365 chance ...

Hm. Turns out to get a *50/50* chance of the two birthdays, you need the 23 people, I was going off how I recalled the story (which I heard when I was a kid, I guess the numbers stuck). I suppose thus the only way to get two people having the same birthday at a 100% rate is to have 366 (367? Leap years?) people.
I got Barry and Iris Allen's anniversary. Whee.

On the other hand, my wife got a rocket! Not the actual explosion of Krypton or the landing of Baby Superman's rocket, but the ROCKET ITSELF. That's pretty great, I guess?
Also, it's mighty convenient that NONE of the heroes (except for Uncle Sam, but c'maaaan) were born on major fixed holidays. I mean, technically once every couple years Kamandi's birthday might fall on Thanksgiving or whatever, but you mean to tell me nobody here is a Christmas baby? Or Hall-o-fucking-ween, for that matter?
wait, I just noticed.

"Birthday of John Stewart, Black Green Lantern."
Oh ho ho ho yes, he bore that title for his first eight years or so ...
This is still a pretty sweet calendar. Thanks for posting this!
haha awesome, Wesley Dodds and I have the same birthday!
I remember this! It was an important prop at one of the Superman Day parties!

Two things I noticed:

1. June is National I-Told-You-So month in the DCU
2. Apparently the "incident" with Supergirl and Comet the Super-Horse happened after 1976.