The Louis Pasteur of Junkiedom (calamityjon) wrote,

Happy Birthday, Ralph (Elongated Man) Dibny

I've been meaning to scan this thing forever. It's the Super DC 1976 Calendar, which I've had since ... well, 1976. It's honestly been one of my most cherished possessions since childhood, I've had this thing hanging up in just about every room or studio I've ever had.

I've never seen the Super DC 1977 calendar, so I don't know if it carries over the conceit of this one, but as you scan down the images you'll notice that the dates marked are birthdays and important events ... of made-up people. I'm glad I finally have this scanned and uploaded so that I have immediate access worldwide to remember when The Elongated Man's wedding anniversary is.


Super DC 1976 Calendar

The calendar boasted art from Neal Adams and Dick Giordano - for the longest time, at least when I was a little kid, Dick Giordano was one of my favorite artists and, nowadays, I cannot cotton why. I think it's because he drew at least everything once, and because his name was so often accompanying that of Neal Adams, who was truly terrific, although I think it's fair to say that Giordano was Adams' worst inker. On his own, Giordano's art is lackluster, it's utilitarian but not evocative, lacks expression and energy, it commits that unbearable artistic sin of being unremarkable. I still love Giordano - the guy was a helluva editor, and I admire a lot of the work which came out of both DC and Charlton under his direction, but I'm just amazed at my younger self loving the tar out of the guy's artwork. Ubiquity counts for something, I suppose.



Super DC 1976 Calendar
January

Super DC 1976 Calendar
February, big ups!

Super DC 1976 Calendar
March. March nothin', that guy's running ... HAHA, GET IT?

Super DC 1976 Calendar
April. This is bad-ass.

Super DC 1976 Calendar
May. These guys seem to have it in for you.

Super DC 1976 Calendar
June. Everybody loves a fish parade.

Super DC 1976 Calendar
July. The month of my birth and also the whole Justice League of America. Bad-ass!

Super DC 1976 Calendar
August.

Super DC 1976 Calendar
September. I can't help but think that Supergirl and Lois Lane must be kind of tense around each other.
Both of 'em probably have a ton of dirt to dish on Superman, but who'll break the ice?

Super DC 1976 Calendar
October. For some reason, this is their scary Halloween cover.

Super DC 1976 Calendar
November. "Jesus Batman, that guy you dropped really splattered."

Super DC 1976 Calendar
December. "Hey kids, let ol' Uncle Superman tell you a christmas story ...
about the time a bunch of roided-up musclemen in peter pan costumes fought like crazy
against something just off-page." The true meaning of Christmas.



Inside the calendar (it's too dark to read), you've got the birthdays and important events of the DC Universe as it stood in the mid-70s. This is the most ridiculous thing on Earth. With the exception of one character, I cannot imagine why knowing the guy's precise birthdate is in the slightest way important1, and yet here we are - even though we know nothing really of the Joker's origins, I can tell you when it's appropriate to send a card.

Scattered among the birthdays are the occasional wedding anniversary, a couple of murders, and more than one occasion of getting scarred with acid. That actually caused my some consternation when I was younger, I was so eager to see what heroic birth occurred in concordance with my own birthday - imagine my disappointment when it turned out that July 15th is the anniversary of the murder of Dick Grayson's parents. Imagine carrying that burden within your young heart. I should avenge the poor guy or something.



Super DC 1976 Calendar

Super DC 1976 Calendar

Super DC 1976 Calendar

Super DC 1976 Calendar

Super DC 1976 Calendar

Super DC 1976 Calendar

Super DC 1976 Calendar

Super DC 1976 Calendar

Super DC 1976 Calendar

Super DC 1976 Calendar

Super DC 1976 Calendar

Super DC 1976 Calendar

Super DC 1976 Calendar



The whole idea is ridiculous, and gets moreso the more you think about it - for instance, it's curious that hardly no two individuals in the DC Universe share a birthday. The mothers of the DCU were perspicacious, to say the least. Also note that the assorted birthdays of various members of the Legion of Super-Heroes are represented here, even though they just about all come from alien worlds, which all have different orbits and different calendars. Element Lad wasn't born August 20, he was born on the day of Zorglyth, in the Purple/Depressed month of the year of the Binomial Equation or something.

Still, with that being said, I couldn't help but think of how different this sweet, stupid calendar of imaginary birthdays would look if you could compare it to an imaginary and inevitably grim Super DC 2009 Calendar. "May 29 - Sue Dibny is raped by Dr.Light in the Justice League satellite. June 7 - Hal Jordan is infected with the Parallax parasite and kills all his friends in the Green Lantern Corps. July 12 - Kyle Rayner's girlfriend is found dead in a refrigerator. August 11 - Birthday of Thomas (Pieface) Kalmaku. September 13 - The entire nation of Bialya is murdered in a single night by Black Adam ... " And, unfortunately, so on ...


1 That one character would be Johnny Thunder, seventh son of a seventh son, born on 7/7/1917. Don't look askew at me, I wasn't around in 1940 to convince them to age the guy a decade so that his birthdate would actually fall on all sevens, but at least I do know that his illegitimate son was born on 7/7/1977, so that's something. It occurs to me, though, shouldn't the guy have fathered seven illegitimate sons? I mean ... sorry DC, I'm just suggesting ... that Johnny Thunder should have gotten sick amounts of strange. Good lord. I need new hobbies.
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