Originally published at Calamity Jon, Save Us!. You can comment here or there.

HOORAY, it’s HALLOWEEN, and I am FUCKIN’ EXHAUSTED! It’s three in the ay-em, I stayed up late to finish my contributions to the project and also to upload all the submissions for BOO!HALLOWEEN STORIES, and we are ALL SET FOR SPOOOOOKY HALLOWEEN FUN, ARF ARF! Seriously, I couldn’t be more tired.

There were a HUGE number of new contributions, including-but-not-limited-to: The Dead End Detective by Ken and Maggie Wright, a Running in the Halls Halloween strip courtesy of Robert Anke, An Untitled Story by Alun Clewe, The Mighty Snagog by Adam Watson, The Plan by return contributor Brodie H.Brockie, and The Curse of the Parsimonious Great Aunt by Gabrielle Nowicki.

The creepiest submission - and it’s beautiful, too - comes by way of A.Demetrius Felder (Say, do YOU have A Demetrius Felder in your home? Don’t you think you should get one?) and it goes by the title of Lo & Behold Her. I’m warning the squicky among you right now, consider yourselves put on notice.

I also contributed a new Jeremy one-pager, and BOY am I rusty. Pencilling Jeremy’s head took multiple attempts repeatedly during the process, I’ve sort of forgotten how to do it. Fun to get back into it, regardless.

Also, Manning Krull wrote a story which I illustrated, entitled Trivial Omens, and it serves to answer a pivotal riddle, to wit: What’s the difference between a good friend and Calamity Jon Morris? Answer: A good friend would have pointed out the problem in the script rather than using it as an excuse to usurp the punchline. That’s Trivial Omens, folks, enjoy!

And enjoy your Halloween, and BOO!HALLOWEEN STORIES too! I expect there’ll be more stories trickling in later today, so stay tuned! As for now, me and sleep are gonna go tussle for supremacy! Auf wiedersehen!

Hey! Let's make thematic Halloween mix-tapes! You know you wanna!

Ditties for Dracula: Songs About Vampires
Possum Kingdom - The Toadies
Bela Lugosi's Dead - Bauhaus
Transylvania Concubine - Rasputina
At Dawn They Sleep - Slayer
Moon Over Bourbon Street - Sting
Vampires - Pet Shop Boys
Vampires Will Never Hurt You - My Chemical Romance

Lilting Lullabies for Lycanthropes: Songs About Werewolves
Bark At The Moon - Ozzy Osbourne
Werewolves of London - Warren Zevon
Wolf Moon - Type O Negative
Wolf's Blood - The Misfits
She-Wolf - Megadeth
White Mountain - Genesis
Loup Garou - Willy DeVille

Flesh for Funkenstein: The Essential Frankenstein's Monster Music Collection
Frankenstein - The Edgar Winter Group ... just played over and over again ...

Look Behind You: Songs About Things That Will Totally Kill You For No Reason
Hammer Horror - Kate Bush
Godzilla - Blue Oyster Cult
Purple People Eater - Sheb Wooley
Eye of the Zombie - John Fogerty
Return of the Giant Hogweed - Genesis
Scary Monsters (And Super Creeps) - David Bowie
The Invisible Man - Elvis Costello (No, hold on, wait ...)
The Rockin' Teenage Mummies - Ray Stevens

Okay, I totally fumbled that last one, so I hand it off to you! NOW YOU!

I decided to hold off on posting my photos from that cemetary outside of Williams, AZ, until Halloween. WHICH IS TODAY! Oh boy, Halloween! I am fond of it!

Check out the entire set here, or just follow this photo and then sort of navigate around helplessly, because that's totally the photo next to the one at the end, so it ain't gonner be smooth ...

Originally published at Calamity Jon, Save Us!. You can comment here or there.

Inasmuch as it’s Halloween - and I keep finding myself mentioning that, even though I’m fairly certain most of you are well aware of the fact, or otherwise cannot reconcile why you dressed yourself up in costume this morning - and I wanted to keep the Halloween comic thrill a-going (You HAVE checked out today’s massive BOO!HALLOWEEN STORIES update, right?), I thought I’d post what I consider to be probably the bestest comic strip I have effer yet done.

Going back a coupla years, it’sThe Cast of Jeremy performing Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein! It’s behind the cut, in its entirety, so click away, stout yeopeople …

 

( Read the rest of this entry » )

Having snowman in telephonic tow earlier this morning, we went running through the catalog of sexy costumes available at the Zoogster Costumes site. These're the folks who've garnered the most attention during the recent "Culture War" on sexy costumes, particularly those aimed at kids. It's overwhelming when you actually get to the site, the "Sexy - Adult" section is 45 pages long, with as many as twelve costumes per page, and so in terms of raw sexiness it's practically record-breaking.

The single most baffling trend as we flip through these costumes is the number of "sexy" costumes based around utterly innocuous, downright mundane everyday occupations. There are, of course, the almost mandatory sexy nurses, stewardesses, uh, referees (seriously guys, what's with that one? Must you fantasize your sports enthusiasm into a psychological burrito of loathsome fetish?), uh, plumbers I guess, and ... train conductors?? ALL ABOARD, haha, no I didn't...

New lights have been shone upon the professions of Newspaper Carriers,Carpenters, Auto Mechanics, Cable TV Technicians, Taxi Drivers, Jungle Explorers, Detectives, Forensics Examiners, uh ... JUDGES?? (Well, TeeVee judges, anyway, so those of you with a hard-on for Wapner have somewhere to go now...), and god help us, SEXY FAST FOOD CLERKS AND KINKO'S COPY JOCKEYS. How much sexiness do we need in our lives?

I mean, wow, lookit this! It's a sexy Krispy Kreme Lady Costume! It's the sexy "lady who makes donuts" costume! If you are a sexy lady who always dreamed of making donuts, or a guy who likes donuts and likes to imagine that the people who make donuts are all so totally the secksy donut makers so you can imagine, I dunno, fucking 'em on the jelly-infusing conveyor or something, THEN OH MAN HERE'S THE COSTUME FOR YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES and also for your therapist to discuss. Alarming.

Really baffling to me are the half-dozen or so costumes which are essentially "Sexy Chinese Person." What the fuck, we have provided costumes to dress yo' white ass up like a chink. Also, you can dress up like a Sexy Japanese person, a sexy Spanish person or a couple¹ different Sexy Indians. Where the hell is the Sexy White Person costumes? Excepting, you know, the Sexy German Person and Sexy French Person costumes, I guess...

While searching around, I found a Sexy Lady Pirate costume called "Bounty," which I assumed was a character from Pirates of the Caribbean or something. Then, a few pages later, there's another Sexy Lady Pirate named "Mutiny." HAR HAR, NICE ONE SEXY COSTUME PEOPLE.

Say, worried that you were far too capable of defending yourself, independent and ambulatory? Afraid that you'd wake up after your boyfriend's frat's Halloween beer-blast only to, once again, find yourself completely un-raped? Well, worry no more, not with the Ella Mental Sexy Mental Patient costume, complete with sexy low-cut straitjacket to keep your sexy arms pinned to your sexy sides and a sexy high-cut skirt hem that'll really show all the sexy bruises. Most important piece of information I'd want to know about this costume is are the hands fastened down and, honestly, you gotta work it out on your own. I woulda put that information in big red letters, Totally Not As Rape-Attracting As You Think, were i a lady I wouldn't wear something like that unless I had three oranges and a Masterlock sewed into the ends of each'a those sleeves ...

Possibly the most mind-blowing costume of 'em all, for me - The Happy Ending Spa Costume. This is a costume you get if you want to dress up as someone who will masturbate a guy for money. FIRST PLACE GOES TO!

Let's see, in the category of Making A Perversion of Childhood Fancy, there's Teddy Bears, Snow White, Rainbow Brite, Minnie Mouse, Care Bears and a Raggedy Ann who will show you her ass. Like you made her do anyway.

Speaking of which, the real controversy lies in the "Teen - Sexy" category where not only are teenaged girls encouraged to dress up in sexually suggestive - and submissive - outfits, but the guys are all given joke P.O.S. costumes like "I'm a Chick Magnet" and "I'm a cock, har har." Basically, we're raising our daughters to have victimizably low self-esteem and our sons to be retarded lame-oids with shit for a sense of humor. Gen-Z is going to be fascinating.

Also in the teen section is a Madonna-Like A Virgin style costume that they've listed as "Lace Lolita." GUYS! TOTALLY LISTEN RIGHT NOW! THERE IS TOTALLY THIS SORT OF FAMOUS BOOK THAT EXPLAINS WHY YOU SHOULDN'T LABEL ANYTHING AVAILABLE IN THE TEENS' COSTUME SECTION BY THE NAME "LOLITA." If you don't have time to read a book, try this really excellent movie, it's got James Mason and Shelly Winters innit. And if you don't have time for a movie, try this one song from the Police, you get the idea. And it's okay, it's totally from back when the Police were still good, I promise you.

This could go on for ages, I have decided to completely omit a paragraph on sexy military costumes (Special mention going to "Army Seductress," which wtf, you know?), sexy sports-oriented costumes, the Sexy Samurai (You saw that, right? Early Kurosawa film? Yeah, it's great), sexy police and fire department costumes (and if the Sexy Border Patrol agent doesn't mess up your head enough, how about the Sexy Reno 911 officer? Buh-wha?), sexy boxers, sexy Robin Hoods (THREE of them, and not a single Sexy Sheriff of Nottingham), and how this is not what a Taxi Dancer is and I don't think there's actually such a thing as a sexy Rollergirl, it's just a rollergirl, you know?

I do wanna say that this is maybe the only "Sexy" costume which makes any real sense to me, because even though it's advertised as "Sexy Salem Witch," it's basically "Sexy Puritan." Yeah, fuck you guys, cognitive dissonance and everything!

And speaking of which, I have to admit out of the gate that I feel pretty foolish even mentioning this given how it's the center of so many of the disparaging jokes made about the topic, BUT: The Sexy Bee costume? I have to admit, I do find it kind of sexy. Actually, really sexy, I guess. Almost all of that certainly has to do with a shapely, squinty brunecks model bearing a big smile and, in the second photo, tipping her cute butt up so we can better see her stinger. With her little hands at her side, it's adorable. Also, I've always wanted to fuck a bee.

Oh, and lastly? Female Elvis. Femalelvis.

HAPPY HOLLOW FEELING AT THE CORE OF YOUR BEINGS, SEXY COSTUME MODELS!

¹SASSY SQUAW? Holy heck ...