The Louis Pasteur of Junkiedom ([info]calamityjon) wrote,
@ 2007-04-10 12:01:00
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Entry tags:sketchblog

"Are you owed money by the government? I will growl and swat at the IRS for YOU!"


===
On an unrelated note, I feel like I woe everyone an apology. I didn't mean to do it, it wasn't something I expected to do, I was actually opposed to EVER doing it, but I did it. It can't helped, despite my initial misgivings and distaste, I gave in; I LIKE Axe Body Spray.

I was shopping for deodorants and soaps, decided to change it up a little bit, and was just being fair when I gave some of the Axe products a cursory sniff, but ... well, damnit, they ain't bad! I bought three different kinds.

At this point, I use Axe, I drive a Scion XB and I drink Chopin. Combine this with my gym membership and how much I've been into Charlie Mingus lately, and I think I may have migrated to a new demographic. I'm not a hundred percent certain, but I think my new market identity might be this guy.

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[info]ludickid
2007-04-10 07:25 pm UTC (link)
That guy doesn't listen to Mingus, he listens to 'Trane. But other than that, though, yeah, you're a sissy-mary.

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[info]calamityjon
2007-04-10 07:26 pm UTC (link)
None of this would be an issue if I just drank the Safeway store brand vodka.

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[info]oilyrags
2007-04-10 07:32 pm UTC (link)
Mingus is always the right answer! And very very far from sissymaryness.

On the other hand, I dunno nothin' about Chopin vodka cause I drink Monopolowa, and the label on that stuff is nothing but cold-war soviet-bloc muscle! Observe:

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[info]calamityjon
2007-04-10 07:41 pm UTC (link)
It is ... color of paint thinner.

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[info]oilyrags
2007-04-10 07:45 pm UTC (link)
Hyar! Actually, it's just the lousy beige paint and nasty lighting doing that. Although I'm told they do make a pale green wheat-grass flavored version.

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[info]calamityjon
2007-04-10 07:47 pm UTC (link)
I have to admit, I think I feel a little intimidated by you now.

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[info]oilyrags
2007-04-10 07:56 pm UTC (link)
Seriously, try it, you might like it. It's pretty cheap, so even if you don't you've got your paint thinner needs covered.

The funniest part is that despite the Polish name and Iron Curtain trappings, it's actually Austrian.

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[info]tawdryjones
2007-04-10 07:33 pm UTC (link)
Just don't tell me your pastabilities are crumbelievable!!

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[info]calamityjon
2007-04-10 07:42 pm UTC (link)
I ... I wouldn't know where to start.

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[info]roninspoon
2007-04-10 07:45 pm UTC (link)
Have you started wearing spectacles with thick square frames?

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[info]calamityjon
2007-04-10 07:50 pm UTC (link)
If I ever start, I expect one of you guys to say something about it before it gets out of hand.

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[info]rjwhite
2007-04-10 09:29 pm UTC (link)
Fuck. And. You.

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[info]rxgreene
2007-04-10 07:45 pm UTC (link)
But Jon, that guy can't rip a car in half bare handed. He's only ever broken ice with a rolling pin, when the ice was wrapped in a tea towel. That guy laments the end of 98 Degrees' recording career. He thinks doing a shot with his friends makes him a wild man. HE KNOWS THE PROPER USE OF A CHAFING DISH FOR CHRISSAKES! HE USES "PRODUCT" IN HIS HAIR! HE THINKS A CHAIRSHOT IS A PHOTO OF FURNITURE!! YOU ARE NOT THIS MAN!!! REPEAT AFTER ME, YOU ARE NOT THIS MAN!!!!

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I know the proper use of a chafing dish. It is for chafing.
[info]calamityjon
2007-04-10 07:48 pm UTC (link)
Heck, I don't even have hair.

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Chafing my ASS.
[info]rxgreene
2007-04-10 08:03 pm UTC (link)
Neither do I, but I wax.

Crap, busted.

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[info]rhino777
2007-04-10 07:56 pm UTC (link)
The first time I used Axe I got laid just like the commercials imply. I'm sure it was a complete coincidence but I'm not switchin' any time soon.

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[info]theshockabra
2007-04-10 08:26 pm UTC (link)
You are only that guy if you forget how to wear a jacket. Arms IN sleeves!

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[info]rjwhite
2007-04-10 09:30 pm UTC (link)
I WILL BE THE ONLY ONE TO SAY YOUR LAWYERBEAR ROCKS.

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[info]rxgreene
2007-04-10 10:17 pm UTC (link)
Seconded. I would like to hire him for my next court case.

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[info]primavera
2007-04-10 10:16 pm UTC (link)
I need that bear to replace my current lawyer.

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[info]kevin_church
2007-04-11 12:14 am UTC (link)
Fantastic, Jon. This should be up tomorrow AM at 9.

If anyone else wants to submit their amazing renderings of Lawyerbear, send them to legal(dot)ursine(at)gmail(dot)com!

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I Used To Work With Metro Calamity Jon...
[info]joshkassel
2008-04-15 12:31 am UTC (link)
...And you, sir, are no Metro Calamity Jon.
I'm not a hundred percent certain, but I think my new market identity might be this guy.
I'll give you everything about that being your new market identity save for your almost violent reaction to not putting arms through your sleeves and the more than fourteen hours (cumulative over the last eight years or so) I have had to sit smiling and more than a bit frightened while you drunkenly railed about and muttered your disgust at watch fobs.

Blue and a DeGrazia-esque pastel haze background is tres you, though.

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